Karol

Avoid The Unhappy and Unlucky (and How To Find Awesome Friends)

Sometimes friendships must end. Here is how to make that happen …

“When you suspect you are in the presence of an infector, don’t argue, don’t try to help, don’t pass the person on to your friends, or you will become enmeshed. Flee the infector’s presence or suffer the consequences.” Robert Green (Author of The 48 Laws of Power)

I kinda stole the title to this blog post from the book The 48 Laws of Power. Law 10 is “Infection: Avoid The Unhappy and Unlucky.” I’m now about half way through the book, and I’m a little scared by it. I’m being truthful. I honestly am not sure how I feel about The 48 Laws, but I can’t stop reading.

It’s a little bit serendipitous that I started reading this particular book at this particular time, considering how I ended The Absolute Idiot’s Guide To Inspiration: “If there is someone in your life who brings you down or stifles your creativity, break ties with them immediately. It doesn’t matter who they are. They’re toxic and they don’t deserve you.”

If you’re like me or any other normal person (Did I just call myself normal? Yes, I did!), you probably want to help people who very clearly need help. Whether that’s helping them up off the ground when they fall or giving someone in front of you at the grocery store a dollar because they’re short on change, we all like to do good. But that direct do goodery is not what I’m talking about.

The Bad Kind of Good

At one time or another, we’ve all had a friend who brings us down. We try to help, giving our time and soul, but it’s to no avail. We think we’re “doing good,” but we’re not. Not only does this friend not listen, they complain that whatever you’re offering isn’t going to help.

They do anything they can to keep digging themselves in a hole because then they can be “right.” You know: “Well, I knew that wasn’t going to work out.”

It almost turns into a contest. How many shitty things can they be right about?

You already know I don’t believe in luck: Life Lesson #94: There is no such thing as luck. You either make good things happen or bad things happen. If someone consistently tells themself something bad is going to happen, then something bad is going to happen. And then they can be right! And more bad stuff will happen, because they so, so, so want to be right they’ll do everything they can to keep being right!

It’s almost fun for them (almost) to be right in the wrong way. “I’m right about how much my life sucks and nothing ever goes the way I want it to. Yay!”

Unfortunately, You Get Dragged Down As Well

Yeah, you know what happens.

They bring you along for the ride.

You start feeling like garbage. You begin to feel the same way your friend feels. And when you start feeling worse, your friend goes even further into the pits of despair. It’s a sick sick cycle.

How To Break Ties With Toxic Friends

First, know this: it’s OK to not want to be friends with someone you’re currently friends with.

Second, know this: there is no easy way to break the ties.

It’s going to be difficult. Extraordinarily difficult.

If you’ve already broken the ties with someone like this, you know exactly how difficult.

There are two approaches you can take to getting rid of friends who are bringing you down. First, the direct approach. Second, the indirect approach. Everything falls into one of these two camps.

Let’s break it down.

The Direct Approach To Getting Rid of Unwanted Friends

The direct approach is tough. You basically state that you just don’t want to be friends anymore. It’s just as awkward as breaking up any other relationship. :)

Depending on how you do it, this approach may be too harsh. And if your friend is mentally unstable it may result in dire consequences.

If you’re going to take the direct approach don’t attack or accuse. Bring the fault upon your shoulders.

The Indirect Approach To Getting Rid of Unwanted Friends

This approach isn’t much easier, especially if it’s a friend you talk to/hang out with very regularly. That said, this is the way more friendships end: naturally. They fade away instead of burning out. Only, in this case, you’re actively fading away.

How?

When your toxic friend wants to hang out, have other plans. Ignoring someone is weak so don’t outright ignore them if they contact you. Just don’t go out of your way to hang out with them, knowing they’ll make you feel like shit in the end.

If you do hang out with said friend (considering you’re fading away instead of burning out, this may happen), don’t take the bait. Meaning, when they complain or gossip or do anything to bring themselves and you down, don’t react. Change the subject or state something positive in response. And if it gets really bad, just leave.

What To Do Once You’ve Rid Yourself Of The Toxicity

Now that you got rid of a friend, you might need a new friend. Especially if the toxic friend was someone you were close with and saw on a regular basis.

I’m not an expert at making friends. I would even go so far as to say I’m not really very good at it. But here is what I’ve learned in the past 8 months of traveling and forcing myself to make new friends:

a) Ditch your iPod when you’re out and about. If you’re closed off to the world, the world will close itself off from you. Nobody is going to randomly talk to you if you have headphones on.

b) Say “Hi” and smile a lot, with no expectations. Simple, but not easy. You can make this into a game: see how many people you can say “Hi” to in one hour, one evening, or one day. ~10% of the time it will actually turn into a conversation. And that’s how any relationship begins.

c) Hang out in places where the people you’d like to hang out with already hang out. How many more times could I have used “hang out” in that sentence? At least one more time, but I spared you! You’re welcome. ;) This one is obvious, you wouldn’t try to sell food to someone who just ate, right? I mean, you could try, but you probably wouldn’t be successful. So don’t hang out in places where people you don’t want to attract hang out. Do things you enjoy doing and you will naturally meet other fun people who enjoy the same stuff as you.

d) Start a blog. I’ll write about this more some day, but connecting with people online is a great way to then connect with people offline. If you’ve written a blog for any length of time, I’m willing to bet you’ve met with at least one of your readers or another blogger in the same niche as you.

For additional reading, check out Gala Darling on Negative People. More serendipity? Gala’s issue #8 of Love & Sequins is all about Friendship: http://galadarling.com/article/love-sequins-8

Oh look, it’s your turn!

I’m going to take a page from Havi Brooks, and ask for specifically what I want and don’t want in the comments.

Don’t wants:

– Negativity. That’s obvious, right? :) Truthfully, I don’t even have to state this because you’re awesome and I’ve never had a problem with negative comments. Yay! Thank you for being sweet!

Wants:

– Positive ways to end a negative friendship. Since it’s a touchy subject, and I’m by no means an authority, let’s brainstorm how to make this necessary part of life happen more peacefully.

– Awesome ways to meet fun new people. Again, I’m not an expert, so I’m down for trying any new social experiment. What has worked for you?

The Absolute Idiot’s Guide To Inspiration

How to get inspired more often and how to harness that inspiration …

It was 4:37am and I had just woken up with a flash of an idea. “Fuuuuucccckkkkkkkkk yesssssss!!!!”

Inspiration comes at the most inopportune times. That’s just a fact of life. When I was younger I’d get pissed and go back to sleep or keep doing what I was doing.

Who cares if my peaceful slumber was interrupted by a possibly great idea? It’s just an idea, right? Ideas are a dime a dozen. Great ideas are no less common. Ideas don’t count. Action counts. Fuck the idea. Go back to sleep.

Ahh, the perils of my young mind. :)

“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.” – Siddhartha Gautama

I remember reading an interview with Eddie Van Halen about 15 years ago and the interviewer asked him about where he gets ideas for songs, what inspires him. He said, highly paraphrased, “Ideas come at all times. I don’t care of I’m shitting, having sex, or taking a shower, if I get inspired I get to work immediately.”

My favorite guitarist, the late Dimebag Darrell, took great steps to harnessing inspiration as well. He kept a guitar in every room in his house, including the bathroom, and had a small recording studio on his tour bus.

Professionals understand that ideas must be allowed to breathe.

Inspiration at inopportune times was no longer a burden for me. These guys broke my pad.

Now when I get a flash of inspiration at 4:37am with my eyes fluttering in that REM way they like to flutter, I wake the neighbors up with a howl of delight.

Harnessing inspiration is important. The more often you kick inspiration to the curb the less often you’ll feel inspired. Stifling inspiration is how an amateur reacts to ideas.

These days I have so many ideas, so much inspiration, so many articles, so much pouring out of me, I almost don’t know what to do with all of it.

It’s for the simple fact that if I just put toothpaste on my toothbrush and am about to insert said toothbrush into my morning-breath mouth and have an idea I will drop the toothbrush and run to the nearest idea-capturing-mechanism and get that idea OUT OF MY HEAD. Run on sentence, yes I did! (That example is exactly how this very article was written.)

With that spectacular foray into elementary level English out of the way let’s break it down.

7 Tips For Harnessing Inspiration

Follow these rules or languish in the deepest, darkest, pits of creative blockage …

Tip #1: When you feel inspired drop whatever you’re doing and get that shit out of you. If you follow this simple tip you will overflow with inspiration every waking and sleeping second in no time.

Tip #2: Keep an idea capturing mechanism on your person at all times. Whether that’s an iPhone, handheld recorder, cell phone, or good ole fashioned note pad, be ready with it. If you’ve never used the audio or note capturing feature of your device do it now so when inspiration strikes you’ll be ready.

Tip #3: When you get a flash of inspiration don’t deny it. Don’t convince yourself it’s a bad idea.

“Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that’s funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.” – Mitch Hedberg

As much as I love him, don’t be Mitch Hedberg!

Tip #4: When you feel inspired, also get fired up! Blast loud music, scream out in delight, punch yourself in the face. Get excited! This is a great moment in your life. Embrace it. Cherish it. Revel in it.

Tip #5: Make inspiration a habit. The more you let your inspiration flow freely, the more inspiration will come knocking you out of your baby sleep like a monster in the closet.

Tip #6: Inspiration begets inspiration. Many times when I get an idea and immediately get to work on capturing it, the floodgates open and other ideas come flowing. I love when this happens. There have been times when I’ve written 3 articles that I didn’t even know I had in me in a very short time-frame for the simple fact that I didn’t stifle the initial inspiration.

Tip #7: Hang out with inspiring people and you’ll feed off of them. I’ve been doing lots of interviews and sending out lots of e-mails lately for the relaunch of How To Live Anywhere. Every time I’m done talking with somebody, without fail, I feel an incredible burst of inspiration. Seek out extraordinary people.

Bonus tip: If there is someone in your life who brings you down or stifles your creativity, break ties with them immediately. It doesn’t matter who they are. They’re toxic and they don’t deserve you.

Hit me up with your stories, tips, ideas about inspiration below …

If you like this article would you mind Liking it on Facebook? Just click the button …

Sweet Shit Saturday #004 (aLoksak Contest Edition!)

In which you can enter to win awesome stuff from Loksak!

About 2 weeks ago I sent the good people at Loksak my article/video about using their aLoksak to wash my clothes wherever I am in the world.

Their President, Linda, e-mailed me back and offered to send me a bunch of stuff. I declined because I already have enough of their stuff. I actually bought a few more bags before I left for India.

I use the Loksak bags for almost everything. During Songkran (a 5 day water fight in celebration of Thai New Year) I kept my camera nice and dry while the rest of my body got soaked. When I’m riding around Chiang Mai on my motorbike I put all my stuff in a Loksak so the condensation from my water bottle doesn’t get my cash/cameras all jacked up.

All my clothes get packed in aLoksak bags. And I also use the Opsak bags, which are similar to the aLoksak bags, but odor proof for food products.

Karol, You’re Such A Sellout, A Contest? WTF?!

Here’s the thing, I know any company that offers to give me something isn’t doing it strictly out of the kindness of their hearts. They’re doing it for exposure. Please know that I know this.

Here’s the other thing: I love Loksak products. I’ve mentioned them often. And hell, I dedicated a whole blog post/video to showing you how I use the 12″ x 12″ aLoksak to wash my clothes.

And here’s the other other thing: Loksak products are the #2 seller from my Amazon links. #1 is the stretchy clothesline. So I know you are into them too.

And here’s the other other other (other?) thing! While I declined Linda’s offer to send me stuff, I asked if she’d be willing to send you stuff. I sent her a list of exactly what I wanted for the contest and she said, yes, yes, yes, let’s make it happen! That was cool.

The contest is simple and available wherever contests are available. (Meaning, if your country doesn’t allow this shit, then sorry, this shit ain’t for you. Another time?)

2 caveats:

1) If you’re international, the products will be sent regular mail. If they get lost on the way we are not responsible.

2) You can only enter once.

Here’s what you can get:

1st package (Lots of sweet shit!):

1 Large aLoksak Assortment ($11.90)
1 9×10 Opsak assortment ($8.19)
1 Shieldsak (if you’re paranoid about that RFID chip in your passport!) ($32.95)
1 ArmPak-R ($17.69)

2nd package (A little less sweet shit!):

1 Large aLoksak Assortment ($11.90)
1 9×10 Opsak assortment ($8.19)
1 ArmPak-R ($17.69)

3rd package (A sampler of sweet shit!):

1 Large aLoksak Assortment ($11.90)

I probably could have asked for more stuff, but as far as minimalism is concerned, I didn’t want to go overboard.

If you want proper descriptions of all this sweet shit it’s all here: www.Loksak.com

How To Enter To Win:

1) Comment below with a 5 sentence (or less) travel story or tip. It can be anything. Anything at all. Give me something good. Give me something funny. Give me something.

2) That’s it!

I’ll use Random.org to select the winners. I won’t be participating in comments for this blog post so I don’t mess up the numbers. I have a feeling your chances of winning will be very good. :)

Bonus! (Well, bonus for me.)

If you’re so inclined, it would be awesome if you tweeted about the contest.

Sample tweets:

– I just entered to win some sweet stuff from @KarolGajda here –> http://bit.ly/a38NL0 #travel #contest

– If I don’t win this contest I’m going to beat @KarolGajda up –> http://bit.ly/a38NL0 #travel #contest

– Sweet Shit Saturday Contest Wowza! From @KarolGajda –> http://bit.ly/a38NL0 #travel #contest

– WTF is an aLoksak? I entered to win some from @KarolGajda –> http://bit.ly/a38NL0 #travel #contest

– aLoksak’s are the future. Enter to win some from @KarolGajda –> http://bit.ly/a38NL0 #travel #contest

Tweeting won’t help your chances of winning. I’m not using this contest like a lot of people do. That is, to get lots of traffic from visitors who don’t care about my blog, but just want free shit. This is for you, as a kind of thanks for your support.

So Tweet if you want to do me a solid (Wow, did I really just use that phrase? Never again.), but it’s not mandatory.

I’ll announce the winners next Saturday. You have until Friday at 2:13pm EST to enter. :) (use time.gov if you’re going to procrastinate)

Onward with sweet links!

Working From Home Is NOT Easy, But This May Help by Pat Flynn

Yes. Yes. Yes. So many truths on so many levels.

The Odyssey Expedition by Graham Hughes

“I have a shoestring budget and a toilet seat strapped to my backpack. Welcome to THE ODYSSEY.” I don’t want to give it away and I’m not even going to link to a particular article or section. Go to this site and spend the rest of your Saturday in amazement. :) (That’s a warning as much as anything!)

Kill Your To-Do List by Leo Babauta

I used to use to-do lists. You know my favorite thing about them? Nothing. I haven’t had a to-do list in a very long time and I still get everything done that I want to get done.

Outsource Force video by John Reese

I’ve known John since like 2002 or so and I first met him at his Triple Your Profits Workshop in Orlando, FL in 2004. That cost $4,500 + flights/food/hotel/etc. There were almost 100 others there. Did I triple my profits? Well that year, my first out of University, I had my first 6 figure *profit* year. I didn’t triple my profits, but I doubled (and then some). (Crikey I hate talking about money, but I know it gets the point across.)

Over the past few weeks John and I have been doing a lot of talking about travel (he actually sent me The Odyssey link above) instead of business because … well … we run our businesses because they allow us to travel! I influenced him to get a small 30L backpack and he’s doing some minimalist traveling in a few months! Whoa, tangent …

Outsource Force is about … you ready? Outsourcing! :) It’s something I have done a ton of in the past, but don’t do as much as I should now. (Damn me for not listening to myself!)

If you don’t have a business you’re probably not in the market for Outsource Force. That’s cool. Just watch the launch and see how well it’s executed. It’s important to learn from people in markets you have no interest in because you may be able to use what you learn in whatever you’re doing.

If you’re on any marketing newsletters you’ve probably heard about Outsource Force already. I’m not going to do any hard sells like that. Not my game. I almost didn’t even write about Outsource Force here for the simple fact that I don’t like being involved in big launches. I’m more low-key than that. But John’s a smart dude and I’ve learned a lot from him. Honestly, if it was anybody else I probably would pass on promoting the training.

If Outsource Force is your bag and you end up buying through me I’m going to fly you to Vegas (from anywhere in the lower 48 US States; e-mail me if you live somewhere else) for a mastermind session in late October. I’ll be there for Steve Pavlina’s workshop, but I’ll fly in a day ahead of time to meet with you. Is that a go big or go home bonus or what? :)

“Writing Wednesdays” #4: On Research, Or What I Learned From A Single Sheet Of Fool’s Cap by Steven Pressfield

There is no better blog update on a Wednesday than Steven Pressfield’s Writing Wednesdays. I stake my life on that claim. I was first introduced to Steven’s work (The War of Art <– if you haven’t yet, read it today) by my friends Tanner and Chris a good 3-4 years ago. Recently, Seth Godin devoted a huge chunk of Linchpin to The War of Art, and rightly so. It’s fantastic.

How To Live Anywhere Relaunch by Karol Gajda (haha!)

I took down HowToLiveAnywhere.com this week and I’m relaunching on June 8 with a ton more content and LOTS of sweet interviews. When you see who I’ve already interviewed and who I have lined up to interview you’re going to poop yourself. In preparation please start wearing adult diapers right now! (In the words of Daniel Tosh: “High brow poop joke? My father said impossible. I say nay!”) If you already bought your copy then you get the new version for nada. If you didn’t buy it yet, mark June 8 down on your calendar as Poop Day 2010.

Talk to you soon. ~~Questions~~/~~comments~~/contest entries? You know what to do … (Remember, I’m not participating in the comments so I don’t mess up the contest entries!)

Stop Fighting

Stop fighting yourself. Be you …

Stop fighting who you are.

The sooner you stop fighting the sooner you start living.

Obviously there are things we can all change about ourselves.

I submit that we need to undertake these changes from a position of contentment as opposed to a position of self-hate, guilt, or unhappiness.

Being who you are is OK.

Until you accept that life will never get any better.

Stop fighting.

Then you’ll be free.

The Absolutely, Positively, 100% Guaranteed Way To Hit Home Runs In Everything You Do

Hitting home runs is fun. Here is how to do it the right way …

“Stuff that I do, if I have one or two or five or eleven peaks, as long as I’m productive and make enough stuff, maybe I have more chances at making some really good peaks, whether they’re sketches or jokes or drawings.” – Demetri Martin

I gave you the answer to the title of this article without even writing anything unique. Damn. I guess you can stop reading now. ;)

Demetri’s quote really resonated with me because of how closely it’s associated with blogging and virtually any other form of work or art.

Let’s say you’re writing a blog: most of your articles will receive an average (relative to you) level of visitors and comments. This is your core audience and they’re very important. Then some of your articles will resonate with another, larger, audience and you’ll get an extraordinary amount of traffic. These are the home runs, Demetri’s peaks.

You could take the stance that it’s better to focus only trying to hit home runs, but a lot of it has nothing to do with you. I’m consistently surprised which articles get lots of visitors/comments and which ones don’t.

As artists we have to focus on producing what we believe to be quality content for our core audience.

We’ve prepared. We’ve gone to batting practice. We’ve hit the weight room. We’ve shot the steroids. (Oh wait, not the part.) There is not much left to do.

Whether any piece of content ends up being a home run or not is mostly out of our control after that point. That said, hitting home runs is fun! Let’s start from the beginning …

How To Never Hit Home Runs

Before we can figure out how to hit home runs let’s talk about how not to hit home runs.

Don’t swing. Ever. Keep telling yourself: “I’ll do it some day. Maybe tomorrow. Next week sounds good. Oh, but next year. Next year will be amazing.” And so it goes. (Life Lesson #11: Some day never comes.)

My friend John used to say, paraphrased, “Just do something. Create something. Anything. Throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. Then figure out what works and do more of that.” There is a lot you can do as far as research and planning that will make the “sticking” more likely, but if you’re at a point where you haven’t swung the bat, the time is now.

When you’ve taken a swing, know this …

Base Hits Are Better Than Home Runs

Ask any baseball coach if he’d rather have 10 base hits or 1 home run, and unless he is an utter fool, he will go for the base hits. A hit is an opportunity. A home run is a rarity.

Take lots of swings, because most of the pieces of content you create will be base hits. Every base hit is a step closer to a home run. (You’ll probably also have a few strikeouts, which are creations that simply don’t resonate at all with your audience. Don’t worry about it. Keep swinging.)

Consistently getting base hits is important because they put you in a position to win. And they help you deal with the strikeouts. Home runs, or massively popular pieces of content, can be complete game changers, but they won’t happen often.

I submit that if we’re going to think about hitting home runs then we should focus on hitting game changing home runs. Otherwise known as Grand Slams.

A Home Run Is Only A Game Changer If …

What happens if you hit a home run with no men on base? Game changer? Not at all.

So here’s the rub: A home run isn’t a game changer unless you’re consistently getting those base hits.

Let’s say you run a small blog and are consistently writing good content. One day you write a really awesome article that explodes your site traffic. If not for all of your consistently good content the visitors from the really popular article probably wouldn’t stick around.

My goal is to consistently hit base hits. I’ve had a few strikeouts and I’ve had some home runs (again, this is relative). But the base hits are what will win this ball game for me.

And I like winning.

How about you? Do you consistently produce so you have more chances at reaching the peaks? Do you hit lots of base hits and some home runs? Let me know what you’re up to below …

Sweet Shit Saturday #003 (How To Order Edition)

In which I place an order with the Universal Restaurant …

A couple months back, the 21st of February to be exact, Steve Pavlina wrote an article that really connected with me. I’ve been reading his stuff on and off for about 4 years now and while I don’t always agree with him, I respect that he’s so clear and open about his life.

(Speaking of Steve Pavlina, I’m tentatively planning on being in Vegas for his October 29-31 workshop. Join us? You can bet my Halloween costume will be ridiculous.)

The article in question is called How To Order.

I’ve read it a few times (and again just now) and I’ve been thinking about it a lot since February. In a way, it’s similar to my Mind Control Method. But it’s different. And it’s public. And I’m going to place an order in the paragraphs that follow. ;)

In this article Steve (we’re on a first name basis now? sure…) talks about the Universal Restaurant. Just like a food restaurant, to get what you want at the Universal Restaurant, you have to place a specific order.

You wouldn’t walk into a pizza place and state “I’d like a pizza” without saying exactly what kind of pizza you want, right?

So when setting goals or synthesizing dreams, why do so many of us make vague statements like “I want a lot of money” or “I want a hot girlfriend/boyfriend”? It just doesn’t make sense.

Don’t ask for a romantic partner. If you want a geeky, vegan, bisexual, happily jobless girlfriend who gives amazing blow jobs and loves to travel, then order that. Order it loudly enough so your waiter can hear you, and people at nearby tables will say, “I didn’t know that was on the menu. I’ll have one of those too… with a twist of lemon.” (excerpt from How To Order)

The best part about ordering is you don’t have to be perfect: “One of the best ways to get what you actually want is to take your best guess, and order it.”

It might not turn out quite right, much like when you order something at a restaurant and your dish isn’t exactly what you wanted. That’s OK. There will be other meals. Accept the order you placed and move on.

“Here are the rules: Decide what you want, order it, receive it, and digest it. It’s not rocket science. Don’t make it complicated.”

Thanks Steve.

So here’s my order with the Universal Restaurant:

“A geeky, vegan, bisexual, happily jobless girlfriend who gives amazing blow jobs and loves to travel.” HA! Kidding. ;)

I feel like reading that the first time might have made you uncomfortable. It’s easier to read the second time, yeah?

So here’s my actual order:

A tall, musically-inclined, skinny, vegan, minimalist, atheist, working from anywhere (or quitting-the-job-soon) girl who will challenge me, isn’t older than me, and who likes to (or would like to) travel the world and go on lots of rollercoasters (literal and figurative).

Although let’s not get crazy Universe. By tall I mean woman-tall not me-tall. 6’5″ (~195cm) would be too tall. ;) Based on the order, it’s assumed this woman is not in credit card debt and has the ability to live/work anywhere. Since assuming is a bad way to place an order, I just made it clear. To make it even more clear: I’m not going the married/with boyfriend route Universe. That has happened 2 too many times. ha! So, single please.

That was a rambling order, but sometimes food restaurant orders are rambling as well. That doesn’t mean they don’t turn out spectacularly.

I know what I’m ordering is incredibly rare, and I don’t even know if I’ll like the meal, but that’s the whole point. I’ll let you know what happens. :)

Want to place your order for anything at all? Since the order has to be loud (meaning, public) you can place it in the comments below. Or place your order on your own blog and link to it in the comments below for the rest of us to read.

Onward with sweet links!

Man-Powerin’ Across Michigan by Jason Leyrer

If I can’t use my blog to highlight something cool one of my oldest friends is doing then what good is it? About a year ago Jason and I talked about doing a bike ride from Chicago (his current home) to Detroit (our former home). Then I decided to leave the country. The awesome thing about Jason is he doesn’t give a shit. He’s going solo!

And even better, Jason’s raising money for prostate cancer research. If you’re so inclined, please support! BONUS: If you e-mail me your receipt I’ll send you a copy of How To Live Anywhere. Figgity-fantastic, chyeah? (Unrelated but related: I wrote about a trip I took with Jason, and another friend Adam, here: The Persistent Shower Companion or Early Mornings At The Munich Airport.)

Seven Weird Habits That Will Change Your Life by Jonathan Mead

I think we have a theme today. Jonathan’s first habit is “engage in time travel” and, in a way, it’s similar to my Mind Control Method. But again, like Steve Pavlina’s How To Order, it’s different. :)

How To Practice Walking Meditatation by Tammy Strobel

I did this regularly in India and it felt amazing. I haven’t done it much in Thailand. Err, not at all in Thailand. It’s not a priority, but it is a valuable experience none-the-less.

James Randi’s fiery takedown of psychic fraud on TED.com

I’m pretty sure James Randi would hate the “How To Order from the Universe” information above considering the content of this video. Or maybe not. Psychics are frauds. Ordering from the Universe (and my Mind Control Method) works for other reasons and it’s not rooted in the “supernatural.”

The 8 Habits of Highly Effective Bloggers by Annabel Candy

My favorite is #7: Effective bloggers are persistent. This holds true for anything you want in life. I’ve known Annabel since her blog had something like 200 subscribers. She’s up to about 1,300 now! Congrats Annabel!

The “Do What You Love Show” Episode 3: Speaking 7 Languages With Benny Lewis by Baker

I had the pleasure of being on the first Do What You Love show back when I met up with Baker (ManVsDebt.com) in New Zealand last December. I still haven’t met Benny, although he’s in Berlin and I might just it make it out there for a bit this Summer. Baker and Benny are two of my favorite people. No joke. Here they are in one place!

Questions/comments/wanna sing outlaw lullabies? You know what to do …

Fear Of Competition Is Bullshit (or Why Competition Is Your Friend)

I will abolish your fear of competition using the 551 words inside …

“Fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” – Dale Carnegie

I get a lot of e-mails asking if particular niches are good. Usually it goes something like: “Should I launch a Web site/blog/product in a competitive niche? Isn’t it too difficult if there are tons of competitors?”

Competition doesn’t matter. In many cases, the more competition the better. The fear of competition is all in your head.

Get out of your head and take massive action.

Let’s say you wanted to start a new blog in the simplicity niche.

How many blogs are already in that niche? Too many to count.

How many are successful? Quite a few.

Let’s start at the top: ZenHabits.net. Leo Babauta has 170k+ subscribers! And a print book. And eBooks. And a blog coaching program. And 2 other successful blogs! Leo has created a massive movement. That’s scary competition, right?

Or maybe not.

When you find a “competitor” who seems like they have a stranglehold of the marketplace that’s a good thing. It means the niche is thriving and you have a better chance of getting a piece of the pie.

Know this: The pie is not finite!

The pie grows to support new thought leaders. It will feed as many mouths as is necessary. If you provide the new ingredients, it will take care of the rest. Bigger pans, bigger window sills (for cooling, duh!).

Why You Shouldn’t Fear Your Biggest Competitors

The people at the top aren’t usually evil. (And if some of them are, who cares?) The more success more people have in a niche, the more the pie grows and the more everybody succeeds. Again, the pie is not finite.

Successful people understand the abundance mindset. They know the pie is not finite, and they’re happy to share ideas to make the pie bigger.

More than likely if you talk to some of the top dogs in your chosen niche they will be happy to provide you with some advice. That doesn’t mean you should abuse this ability to connect with them. But a short, succinct, e-mail (short e-mail = very important) asking for a bit of specific advice (also very important) will usually be met with kindness.

I’ve e-mailed some people who I never thought would e-mail me back. Much less with quality suggestions/ideas/tips instead of a simple “cool, keep doing what you’re doing!” or whatever.

Destroy Your Fear Of Competition In The Next 7 Minutes

This is what you need to do:

1) Choose your 3 biggest “competitors.” It doesn’t matter who they are, how famous they are, or how much you look up to them. Get out of your head! As the guys from The Ren Men Show (<– amazing) would say: “Get off the bench!” Meaning, play the game!

2) Come up with a very succinct question that you need help with.

3) Send each a personalized e-mail. Your whole e-mail should be no more than 5 sentences. No long diatribes. Brevity is key.

I think you’ll be happily surprised with what happens. :)

Do you still fear competition?

On Dependency (or How To Stop Being A Wuss and Embrace Change)

How to stop being dependent and start living an awesome life…

The problem with relying on someone or something is they (or it) won’t always be there. Then what?

If we’re not prepared to live without something, suddenly being forced to live without it will be an enormously difficult, and stressful, transition.

I’m not immune to being dependent.

Just one example: I used to use a blender every morning to make my breakfast smoothie. Fresh (or frozen) fruit with soy/almond/rice/hemp milk or coconut water. It’s healthy and because my body doesn’t have to work hard to digest it, incredibly energizing. I can drink the smoothie and I’m immediately ready to start the day with a quickness.

I’ve been “on the road” for over 7 months and I don’t have my blender. Therefore, I don’t have my go-to breakfast and my days don’t start out “right.”

The Root Of Dependency Is A Fear Of Change

Adapting to change is part of human nature. A look at any time in history proves that we’ve been adapting to change since the big bang.

But for some of us, adapting to change doesn’t come naturally anymore. We still adapt because we have no choice, but we don’t do it willingly.

I used to strongly dislike change myself, but now I relish in the opportunity to flex my change muscle.

Going back to my breakfast example: Instead of my regular morning smoothie I now eat a bunch of locally available fresh fruit. (Here in Chiang Mai I eat a lot of pineapple, mango, cantaloupe, and bananas).

Change is good because it pushes us to our limits. How do muscles grow? By stressing them; making them work. The change muscle is no different.

Some Of Us Hate Change

For example, when a significant other goes out by themselves, are you the type who doesn’t know what to do with yourself? Do you feel bored, hurt, abandoned, or worse, jealous? (Life Lesson #59: Jealousy is mankind’s most useless emotion.)

Is this any good for you or the relationship?

It’s OK To Hate Change

If you’re currently dependent on someone or something it’s going to be uncomfortable at first when making the move towards independence.

By independence I don’t necessarily mean getting rid of whatever you’re dependent upon. I’m not suggesting everybody in a relationship break up.

When I encounter a couple that has their own separate lives in addition to their lives together I feel an immense sense of happiness for them. That is my vision of an ideal relationship, although it’s very rare.

I refuse to settle for anything less and when I see a happy couple that also have separate lives it reinforces to me that it’s possible.

Girls should have “girls weekends” and guys should be able to “hang out with the boys” or whatever the case may be.

How To Embrace Change

Step 1: Take A Small, Easily Doable, Break

Break free from whatever you’re dependent upon for just 24 hours. Knowing you’ll go back to whatever it is you’re dependent upon in 24 hours will make it easier to get through it.

Some things you may want to break free from:

– TV

– Internet

– Texting

– A relationship (I don’t mean this negatively. I mean it in regards to my view of a healthy relationship, both platonic and romantic.)

– Your iPod

– Fill in the blanks: _______

Step 2: Reflect On The Change

After 24 hours are up reflect on how you felt by breaking your dependency.

Was it easier or more difficult than you expected?

How do you feel about the change?

Did you immediately go back to your dependency? In other words, were you counting down the minutes until you could watch TV, go online, text your friends, etc?

How To Truly Break Your Dependencies

A 24 hour break is all well and good, but it’s just an exercise to help you realize that you really can adapt to change and break a dependency. It’s not a permanent solution.

The ultimate test in breaking your dependencies is by practicing minimalism. Getting rid of extraneous “stuff” (<– PDF written by, uhh, me, haha) will make you realize just how little you need to live a Ridiculously Extraordinary Life.

Every day people ask me how I can possibly live with so few things. On the flipside, when I see other backpackers almost falling over due to the heavy loads on their backs I wonder how they can possibly “live” with so much.

The stress and strain on their faces is blatantly visible.

Or when I hear someone complain about how much debt they’re in while buying a new camera lens, new video game, new clothes, new car, or new anything, I can’t help but think how positively they could change their lives with a little bit of minimalism.

When you practice minmalism you have fewer choices to make, fewer things to keep track of, fewer things to stress about, and you begin to progress towards Ridiculously Extraordinary Freedom.

Need Minimalist Help?

There are a lot of good eBooks/Web sites out there. I’ve mentioned many of them in the past.

Leo Babauta’s work is a fantastic place to get what you need.

– The Power of Less: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential…in Business and in Life (<– Leo’s print book)
– Mnmlist.com

Other minimalists you may enjoy:

– Everett Bogue

– David Damron

– Tammy Strobel

– Joshua Becker

There are many more, but there’s only so much you can read in a day. :)

How do you feel? Hit me up in the comments …

Sweet Shit Saturday #002 (Soaked To The Core Edition)

Fighting water, twitter/facebook hiatus, new 7 day trial, and sweet links …

Welcome to Sweet Shit Saturday #002, where we kick back and relax a bit. You and me, just chillin, hangin out. Cuppa tea maybe?

This past week was Songkran, celebration of Thai New Year. In Chiang Mai it’s essentially a 5 day water fight. On the one hand, this is awesome. On the other hand, if you just want to go get some food, it can be a challenge. :)

Speaking of food, the 2 veg restaurants by my apartment closed during the Festival, so I had to sneak around Ninja Gajda(n) style if I didn’t want to get soaked. It’s 100F/38C outside so it wasn’t really an issue because, for the most part, I did want to get soaked. :)

In other news: my 7 day no facebook/twitter trial went well. I didn’t get much more done than any other week, but it was Songkran, and who knows if I’ll ever be in Thailand for that again.

To be honest, after stepping away, I’m beginning to realize Facebook/Twitter are almost complete wastes of time. I was talking with a friend a few days ago who had a huge following on Twitter. ~25,000 followers. These were legit followers too since he wasn’t following many people. One day a month or so ago he up and deleted his account and he says it’s one of the best things he’s ever done.

Here’s the thing: Most of the bigger Twitter users (sometimes only bigger in their heads) ignore everybody (one-way communication; they don’t give a shit about you) and everybody else I connect with on twitter I probably already connect with outside of twitter in some way.

From here on out I’m going to drastically cut down on Twitter usage. I’ll login once or twice per day for 5 or 10 minutes, and see how that works. Most of that time will be spent replying to @KarolGajda public or direct messages and reading the first page of my twitter feed (20 Tweets). If you want to keep me busy for those 5 or 10 minutes I’m here: twitter.com/KarolGajda

I’m shutting out Facebook even more. I probably won’t login unless somebody sends me a message or in case I need to contact somebody and for some reason don’t have their e-mail/phone #.

My next 7 day trial, which is going to be my most difficult of all: cut down on checking e-mail. I’m going to timebox my e-mail twice/day. I think 20 minute timeboxes will be sufficient, and I will find out soon enough.

On to the sweet shit!

(all links open in a new tab/window)

15 Time Boxing Strategies To Get Things Done by Luciano Passuello

You know I wasn’t going to leave you hanging. This is a great article on timeboxing and if you’re looking to be a little more productive it’s worth a read.

Stuff and Happiness by Abhishek Mukherjee

“It is simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple.” Profound. If you liked that you’ll like the rest of the article.

Don’t Read This Blog If You Want To Be Ordinary by Everett Bogue

This was Everett’s own Finding Your Right People. Much like me, he discovered that his readership actually went UP after posting it. Funny, and awesome, how that stuff happens.

How To Turn Weaknesses Into Strengths by Srinivas Rao (on Jeffrey Tang’s ArtofGreatThings.com)

I’ve been doing an informal study for most of my adult life and I’ve found that 90% of entrepreneurial people are ADHD. Srini explains how to turn what you think are weaknesses (such as ADHD) into strengths.

Interview with Jeffrey Tang on BlogCastFM

Jeffrey (ArtOfGreatThings.com) and I did the inaugural A List Blogging Bootcamp (<– case study I wrote) together last August and since then both of our blogs have gone on to show nice signs of life. :) In this interview Jeffrey talks about too much good stuff for me to give a decent summary so you’ll just have to check out the greatness for yourself.

How To Add 10 Years To Your Life: The Do’s and Don’ts by The Daily Minder (top secret Mr X!)

I don’t know who The Daily Minder is. If I did I would shake his or her hand. This is a great article.

One Month Into My New Anywhere Lifestyle by John Bardos

I know exactly where John is coming from when he states: “I hate being in a constant state of movement and always rushing to the next destination.” I’ve already stated my feelings on that topic a few times so I won’t go into it again, but read this article for John’s take on it.

That’s it for this week. Comments/questions/wanna get married? You know what to do …

—-

P.S. My apologies to Ally Beal for calling her Abby on Twitter. It was my first timebox on twitter and I guess I was a little rushed. But no excuses. There is nothing worse than calling someone by a name that is not theirs. :)

The Cold, Hard Truth About Receiving 16,937 New Visitors In One Day (or Is Viral Traffic Worth It?)

A behind-the-scenes look at what happens when a post goes viral …

If you’re not interested in the behind-the-scenes of what happens if one of your blog posts goes viral then please skip this article. If you have a blog, or are just interested in this sort of thing, this is for you.

My last article, 21 Reasons To Quit Your Day Job And Travel The World, hit really big on StumbleUpon:

It’s the first time this has happened on such a large scale to one of my articles and the funny thing is I almost didn’t post that article.

I woke up Monday here in Chiang Mai and didn’t realize it was Monday. Since I posted the first Sweet Shit Saturday article on Saturday my blog posting internal clock was a bit off.

I went about my day and got back to my apartment around 3pm. That’s 4am EST in the US. I post my articles around 7am EST on posting day. (There’s a reason for this which I’ll discuss another day.)

I turned on my computer to do some writing and immediately remembered: “It’s Monday, I need to post an article!” While it’s really no big deal to me if I miss the 7am EST deadline I do like to stick to it to keep that habit going (<– must read article).

I opened up my WordPress Drafts (at any given time I have ~20 draft articles in some stage of completion) and picked a draft called 27 Reasons To Quit Your Day Job, which stood out to me.

The problem was this draft was only 60 words and had only 3 reasons. Some of my other drafts were very near completion, so I had some work to do by choosing this one. Over the next few hours I worked on the article, edited it, and finally decided to make it 21 Reasons instead of 27.

Server Crippling Traffic?

3 hours after posting someone with a big StumbleUpon following Thumbed Up (StumbleUpon lingo) my article and traffic started going nuts. ~2k views in 20 minutes. Thankfully, even though I use a shared server on Bluehost.com, my site didn’t go down. (Although it did slow down and the database crapped out for a minute). I have some safeguards in place to handle huge spikes in traffic which I will write about another time.

Tangent: When I first launched this blog I had some problems with Bluehost. At the time I was receiving less than 100 visitors/day. As my traffic increased, their reliability increased. So if you’re looking for a Web host, Bluehost is a good (and very low cost) option.

At about 3,300 views the SU traffic slowed down considerably. I thought to myself, “hmm, well, that was cool!” Then I asked myself “hmm, I wonder if I can keep it going?”

How To Keep The Traffic Going?

I e-mailed some friends, explained what was going on and asked them to Thumb Up the article. As far as I know only 1 person did the Thumbs Up, so I hardly gamed the system. (I’m talking to you StumbleUpon police!)

Then I installed the WP Greetbox Plugin, which greets visitors with a message based on how they come to your site. So new StumbleUpon visitors were greeted with a message similar to: “Greetings fellow Stumbler! If you like this article please give it a Thumbs Up and don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS feed.”

By this time it was late here in Chiang Mai so I went to sleep.

When I woke up the stats more than quadrupled. More people I don’t know were doing the Thumbs Up. According to StumbleUpon itself the article received 14k views that day. But my own internal stats tell me StumbleUpon sent 16,937 unique visitors. I’m not sure why there’s the huge disconnect.

The Surprising Truth About Viral Traffic

I always thought traffic from social sites would be worthless. You know, stick around for 5 seconds and move on. I was dead wrong.

As you can see StumbleUpon visitors stayed for an average of 2 minutes 21 seconds. That rocks! That means that StumbleUpon visitors actually read the article or maybe checked out some other stuff on my site.

In addition to that my RSS subscribers increased by 136, which is about 3-4 times any normal day, so I would attribute ~100 RSS subscribers to StumbleUpon. (Thank you if you found this site on StumbleUpon!)

How To Guarantee Viral Visitors

I’m not sure you can. To be honest, I’ve had tons of articles I thought would do better on StumbleUpon or Digg than 21 Reasons To Quit Your Day Job, but none of them have done much of anything as far as viral traffic goes.

My recommendation is to focus on writing consistently high quality content and don’t worry about viral visitors at all. If they come, it’s a nice bonus. That said, there are things you can actively do that will guarantee you increase traffic to your blog.

How To Guarantee A Consistent Stream Of New Visitors To Your Blog

The big one is guest posting and another one is gift giving. I’ll write about giving gifts another time. It’s something I stumbled onto without even realizing I was doing it. It has nothing to do with buying anybody anything. :)

Guest posting is not easy. Even for me. I’ve had a nice long streak of guest post after guest post being rejected (ignored would be the proper term). Don’t worry, I have thick skin, I’ll be fine. ;)

Wrap Up

1) Viral visitors from StumbleUpon are actually awesome!
2) Don’t focus on trying to get visitors from social networking sites, because you’ll lose track of what’s really important: your current audience/readership.
3) To guarantee new visitors write an article for somebody else’s Web site and submit it as a guest post. You’re much more likely to get traffic this way than via social networking sites.
4) Give gifts. (Any guesses to what I mean by this? Comment below…)