Category: Life

How To Drastically Improve Your Life … In Less Than 12 Months

Exactly one year ago today I made a step towards drastically improving my life. Here is what I did and how you can do it as well …

“Just about a year ago, I set out on the road. Seeking my fame and fortune, looking for a pot of gold.” – John Fogerty

Exactly one year ago today I made a step towards drastically improving my life. Unlike Mr. Fogerty (the best song writer of our time), however, I didn’t set out for fame or fortune or a pot of gold.

What I did set out to do was change my world and inspire you to change your world.

How I did that is simply stated:

I started this blog.

The first article ever published here at RidiculouslyExtraordinary.com is called “An Unlikely First Post: Notes From How To Build A High Traffic Blog Without Killing Yourself.” These were my notes from a presentation by Tim Ferriss.

If you read the article you’ll see that I followed quite a bit of the advice … lots of it subconsciously since I haven’t actually read that article or watched the presentation in a year.

The most important piece of advice in the presentation is actually a quote from Tucker Max: “Important thing is not being a good writer, but having a voice.”

Voice and Promises

When I first started my voice was still in its infancy and the words weren’t coming out quite like they should have been. But I made two promises.

First promise: I would focus on a set schedule and stick to it.

That schedule has changed a couple of times, but I did stick to it and this is article #112. (Currently the schedule is Monday, Thursday, Saturday.) Whether an article was perfect or not was not as important as simply shipping. Practicing, getting my words out, and improving.

Second promise: I promised myself that I wouldn’t give in to convention and I would just be myself.

What you get here is essentially what you would get from me in person. In a way, this blog gives me a little more freedom with my persona, because sometimes I hold back in person (out of respect for others).

Being A Polarizing Figure

Some people get upset with what I write. Some people get upset with who I am. Some people don’t like me.

You don’t see any of that because as much as I hate censorship I don’t tolerate personal attacks. When someone is negative or attacks me it’s much more fun to delete it than get into an argument. :) (Life Lesson #8: Arguments are pointless.)

To be honest, I’m still on a quest to be more polarizing, but I’ve done an OK job so far.

I’m not afraid to be the same person in public and in private even though I very well know that it affects me negatively as far as certain contacts and business prospects. Social climbing isn’t worth it to me if I have to be fake. You will find very few bloggers (with non-personal blogs) who are truly open. That’s neither good nor bad (well, it’s good for the aforementioned social climbing), but I can’t do that.

Now I’m going off on a tangent. :) (You know how I love those.)

Opening Up My World

The first time my life drastically changed was when I joined CouchSurfing. It was a revelation. “Wow, I can literally go anywhere in the world and hang out with awesome people.”

With blogging it’s similar, but different. It’s a more natural progression of friendship with you and other bloggers. E-mail/skype/in-person meet ups. There is a natural arc to relationships built through this blog.

Similarly to CouchSurfing, blogging has opened up the world to me. I’ve met other bloggers in Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, and Germany. I’ve met readers all over the place as well.

5 Ways Blogging Has Changed My Life

I’ve read a lot of blog posts about blogging changing people’s lives. I actually got an e-mail a few days ago from a reader who asked me how it has changed mine.

1) I’ve made great friendships with quite a few awesome people.

I’m not well known in the blogging world by any means. That’s much less important to me than actually connecting with the people who do know me.

2) Blogging has given me an outlet for my writing.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, but I never knew I would absolutely love it. There are not many pursuits I’ve undertaken that have been so fulfilling as writing for you.

3) I’ve connected with like-minded people.

This is different than friendships, but just as important. I’ve received so many amazing e-mails that break down to: “Wow, you are exactly like me” and reading that never gets old. :) It’s very rare for me to meet people similar to me in every day life, but blogging has made it happen more than I could imagine.

4) I’ve been incredibly inspired by you.

I have a label in Gmail called Awesome E-mails. A lot of times I forget to mark e-mails as Awesome and I only started the label on January 22, 2010, but even so there are currently 47 e-mails under that label. This label consists of positive, inspiring e-mails from you.

5) I’ve discovered my future without even knowing I was looking for it.

I’ve tried to deny it many times over the past few months, but this blog is my future. There is not as much money in blogging and releasing products through a blog as through doing affiliate marketing, but it is much more fulfilling. As you already know money, in and of itself, is not what makes me happy.

5 Reasons You Should Start Blogging Today

I’m going to preface these reasons with the following: you should start a blog in a niche that you love and that you can see yourself writing about for the next 10 years.

1) You will meet awesome people. There is no denying that. It takes time, but it will happen.

2) Fun opportunities are everywhere for bloggers. Depending on what your goals are you can make sweet contacts, get a new job (assuming you want a job), earn your own income through your blog, and sometimes even get free stuff (if that’s what you’re after; I’m not). I could go on for a few hours on the opportunities available to you. Suffice it to say there are many.

3) You don’t have to be a great writer (as stated above). What you need is a unique voice. That may take time to develop so starting today will give you an edge.

4) You don’t need any technical knowledge. Get a Web host, install WordPress, and start writing. Follow Darren Rowse’s 31 Days To Building A Better Blog (free article series) for guidance.

5) You will begin building a legacy. If you die tomorrow what gift are you leaving the world? A piece of you via your blog is a great gift to leave behind.

Closing It Out

If there was a more epic expression for thank you I would use that, but there isn’t one. Thank you.

How To Avoid Disappointment

I used to feel disappointed regularly. Here is how I stopped …

A lot of our disappointments and frustrations are a result of outside forces. We make plans to meet up with a friend and the friend flakes. We buy a plane ticket and the flight is delayed. We drive across town, run into traffic, and arrive late to a meeting. We order food without cheese and get cheese anyway. (That’s actually a whole philosophical discussion for another day, hehe.)

Personally, I expect a lot out of myself. And I used to expect a lot out of other people.

In other words, I hold myself to a very high standard and I used to hold others to that same very high standard.

When I say I’m gonna do something, I do it. When I make a promise, I keep it. (Barring unforeseen circumstances, of course.)

Holding other people to a high standard has resulted in lots of feelings of disappointment.

Can you relate? Has there ever been a time when somebody has disappointed you?

Over the past couple of years I’ve been able to conquer those feelings of disappointment very simply. I stopped holding others to my high standards.

It’s not my place to hold others to a high standard, or any standard for that matter.

We should hold ourselves to a high standard, but the responsibility for holding anybody to any standard ends right there.

Here is what I’ve found: many people don’t hold themselves to a high standard and, therefore, go back on their word or don’t fulfill obligations they say they’ll fulfill.

If you try to hold someone like this to a high standard the result will usually be disappointment.

Now when someone tells me they’re going to do something I accept that and believe it. If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t bother me because I didn’t formulate a standard for them to live up to.

If they do, on the other hand, follow through, I have a better sense of  “oh, cool, this person holds themselves to a high standard. I’m going to enjoy working with / being friends with / hanging out with this person a lot.”

Here is where it gets tricky: if you have someone in your life who is consistently not following through, I would classify them as a toxic person. We really do become who we associate with and as you know, you should not associate with toxic people.

There’s an old saying, and I don’t know where I first heard it, but it goes something like this: “If you want to make a lot of money, take the average incomes of your five closest friends. That number is what you can expect as your income.” While I don’t necessarily believe in that particular statement it makes sense in a lot of other areas in life.

If you have people in your life who constantly go back on their words, it will become so normal to you that it will begin to creep into your own personality.

I know this is true because the reason I was once a greedy and unhappy person was because those are the types of people I associated myself with.

How do you avoid disappointment?

1) Don’t allow your happiness/fulfillment to come from outside forces that you have no control over.

If you can’t control a situation you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s like playing the lottery with your happiness.

2) Associate with kick ass people.

Awesome people hold themselves to a high standard and won’t disappoint.

###

Special comment love request.

Do: write happy thoughts. :) For example, situations where everything worked out like you wanted. Or worked out unexpectedly but happily.

Don’t: write about people, things, or situations that have disappointed you.

How To Relax

Important because we’ve forgotten how …

We’ve forgotten how to relax.

Somewhere throughout the years we unlearned this important trait.

Sitting in front of a TV is what most people do to “relax.” But that’s passive relaxation and due to the constant barrage of stimuli it’s not relaxation at all.

Those of us without a TV have other forms of passive relaxation that isn’t relaxing. Playing a computer game, mindlessly surfing the Web, checking twitter, checking e-mail, and so on.

Lately I’ve been practicing what I call active relaxation. It’s very simple. Ready?

How To Practice Active Relaxation

Active relaxation involves doing literally almost nothing.

1) Turn everything off. TV, phone, computer, iPod, everything.

Noise is OK. We can’t shut off the world. We can, however, shut off our world. The goal here is not to escape, but to just be.

2) Sit, breathe, and be still. Eyes can be open or closed.

This will depend on where you are. If I’m indoors when I practice active relaxation I close my eyes. If I’m outside I will sometimes keep my eyes open and focus on something fairly inactive, like the treetops.

3) Pay attention to what’s going on around you or to your thoughts.

Depending on where you are will most likely determine what you’re paying attention to. When I’m indoors my attention usually settles on something inward, but when I’m outside it’s a different experience.

I enjoy doing this exercise outside more than inside. When I do it inside (between writing sessions for example) it helps with clarity and focus. But when I practice active relaxation outside the results are a little more intense.

The best way I can explain it is it feels like rainbows and fireworks. :)

A special request from me today: At some point today (not tomorrow or the next day or next week or next month) take 5 or 10 minutes and practice active relaxation. Even if it’s immediately before going to bed.

Taking time for yourself is important and I know with our busy schedules it’s not always easy. But it’s a special request, which is like some kind of blood oath. Which means you might die if you don’t do it. (People die from blood oaths? What is a blood oath? I hope it’s nothing like blood pudding. Ugh. Do you know what’s in blood pudding? It’s worse than cooked congealed blood. Wait. It is cooked congealed blood.)

When you’re done come back here and let me know how you feel. :)

7 Exceptional Ways To Establish Trust In An Age Of Skepticism

Trust is difficult to establish and easy to lose. Here is how to be trustworthy …

Trust is difficult to establish and easy to lose.

Last week I did a very small promotion (you may not have even really noticed it) for Chris Guillebeau’s Empire Building Kit. I don’t know how well too many other affiliates did, but my results exceeded expectations. I wouldn’t be surprised if I outperformed bloggers with much larger (but not as bad ass!) fan bases than mine. (The 4,000 word Anatomy of a 4 Figure Affiliate Promotion case study will be in How To Live Anywhere.)

And the reason for that success is simple: trust.

Whether you bought the Kit or not, thank you for being here.

I really do appreciate the fact that you trust me. I work hard to keep that trust. Actually, I’m borderline obsessed with establishing and growing your trust in me.

I have big plans for the future of Ridiculously Extraordinary (speaking to high school and college students and writing a series of print books, among other things) and they won’t happen without you.

How To Establish Trust In An Age Of Skepticism

If you’re starting a business or blog or trying to establish yourself in an industry, you can guarantee your success by being trustworthy.

Here’s how:

1) Provide value.

Sometimes those words come across as empty. Or maybe just confusing. How do you provide value? At its essence, it’s simple: be a problem solver.

If you solve problems you will not only be well paid but well liked and well lived.

How do you find problems to solve? Ask, listen, and pay attention to your people.

If you’ve been here for a while you know that I never planned on monetizing this blog or creating products. This was my passion project. But after getting well over a hundred e-mails asking how to do what I do, I decided to solve the problem by creating How To Live Anywhere. That way I can still write about whatever I want to write about here, but if you’re interested in learning how to do exactly what I do you can go there.

2) State your own opinions and ideas.

There are too many people simply rehashing thoughts and ideas. And while you might think that some of my ideas aren’t necessarily unique, I do put my own spin on them. I don’t agree with everybody about everything, even many of my peers who I respect. You don’t earn trust or respect by being a pushover lapdog.

3) Help others.

It doesn’t matter if you’re interacting with someone “famous” or not, treat them well. Help them when and where you can. Yes, it does suck getting the same type of e-mail 10, 20, 100 times per day. If you have to, create stock responses, but sheesh, at least respond. If someone takes time out of their day to contact you, to pour their heart out to you, is it really so difficult to get back to them?

There are a handful of mind bogglingly successful (and busy) people I have e-mailed who personally responded with thoughtful responses. (And I’m not referring to Gary V.) If they can do it, so can you.

4) Showcase your true personality.

This goes along with state your own opinions and ideas.

Bill O’Reilly is a douchebag, but the reason he has such a devoted following is because he has personality. Sure it might be a hateful, abhorable, cantakerous personality, but it’s a personality. And lots of people connect with it. Then people like me write about it even though we don’t want him to get even more free publicity. ;)

You have a personality. It’s interesting to your right people. Make sure they can see it!

In a recent CopyBlogger article, Johnny B. Truant talks about his alter-ego. I’m not advocating copying Johnny’s approach directly because it’s difficult to pull off, but let the passion in your art, heart, and mind shine.

I liken it to a comedian who is funny in public, but just a “regular person” in private. Fans expect comedians to be “on” all the time, but they’re not. That’s not the art. The art is standing up on stage and making a room full of people forget about their problems (see what I did there?) and laugh.

Your blog, your public persona, is your stage. Dominate that stage. Trust in that stage. In return, your audience will trust that you deserve to be on that stage.

5) If you tell someone you’re going to do something, do it.

Being a man/woman of your word is the ultimate showcase of your trustworthiness. You will be forgiven if you make mistakes, or if you’re late or you realize you just can’t make something happen. But if you make failing people a habit the trust will diminish. Quickly.

6) Be cool.

You’re a leader for your audience. And you’re probably in the audience of a leader (or leaders). Treat your audience the way you want to be treated. Before taking any action think to yourself “Is this cool of me or not?”

Success does change people, whether they want to admit it or not. I’ve seen it so many times, with myself and my peers, that I know it’s true. But success is more than just a catalyst for change, success actually brings out the real you. If you come to find out the real you is a greedy sack of depression (that’s what I found out 5-6 years ago) you can take steps to change that and just be cool. (These days I’m a fun loving sack of ping pong balls!)

7) Provide value.

In the mid-90s J Yuenger, guitarist from the band White Zombie, had a monthly article in Guitar World magazine. Every month he offered advice to musicians and bands who hadn’t yet made it. One piece of advice: if you have a song that your fans love, open and close with it. Open with a bang, close with a bang. (Yes, my brain does remember everything.)

Providing value is so important I’m opening and closing this list with it.

Your business, your brand (I don’t really like that word, but it gets the point across), boils down to this …

Without trust, what are you left with?

Avoid The Unhappy and Unlucky (and How To Find Awesome Friends)

Sometimes friendships must end. Here is how to make that happen …

“When you suspect you are in the presence of an infector, don’t argue, don’t try to help, don’t pass the person on to your friends, or you will become enmeshed. Flee the infector’s presence or suffer the consequences.” Robert Green (Author of The 48 Laws of Power)

I kinda stole the title to this blog post from the book The 48 Laws of Power. Law 10 is “Infection: Avoid The Unhappy and Unlucky.” I’m now about half way through the book, and I’m a little scared by it. I’m being truthful. I honestly am not sure how I feel about The 48 Laws, but I can’t stop reading.

It’s a little bit serendipitous that I started reading this particular book at this particular time, considering how I ended The Absolute Idiot’s Guide To Inspiration: “If there is someone in your life who brings you down or stifles your creativity, break ties with them immediately. It doesn’t matter who they are. They’re toxic and they don’t deserve you.”

If you’re like me or any other normal person (Did I just call myself normal? Yes, I did!), you probably want to help people who very clearly need help. Whether that’s helping them up off the ground when they fall or giving someone in front of you at the grocery store a dollar because they’re short on change, we all like to do good. But that direct do goodery is not what I’m talking about.

The Bad Kind of Good

At one time or another, we’ve all had a friend who brings us down. We try to help, giving our time and soul, but it’s to no avail. We think we’re “doing good,” but we’re not. Not only does this friend not listen, they complain that whatever you’re offering isn’t going to help.

They do anything they can to keep digging themselves in a hole because then they can be “right.” You know: “Well, I knew that wasn’t going to work out.”

It almost turns into a contest. How many shitty things can they be right about?

You already know I don’t believe in luck: Life Lesson #94: There is no such thing as luck. You either make good things happen or bad things happen. If someone consistently tells themself something bad is going to happen, then something bad is going to happen. And then they can be right! And more bad stuff will happen, because they so, so, so want to be right they’ll do everything they can to keep being right!

It’s almost fun for them (almost) to be right in the wrong way. “I’m right about how much my life sucks and nothing ever goes the way I want it to. Yay!”

Unfortunately, You Get Dragged Down As Well

Yeah, you know what happens.

They bring you along for the ride.

You start feeling like garbage. You begin to feel the same way your friend feels. And when you start feeling worse, your friend goes even further into the pits of despair. It’s a sick sick cycle.

How To Break Ties With Toxic Friends

First, know this: it’s OK to not want to be friends with someone you’re currently friends with.

Second, know this: there is no easy way to break the ties.

It’s going to be difficult. Extraordinarily difficult.

If you’ve already broken the ties with someone like this, you know exactly how difficult.

There are two approaches you can take to getting rid of friends who are bringing you down. First, the direct approach. Second, the indirect approach. Everything falls into one of these two camps.

Let’s break it down.

The Direct Approach To Getting Rid of Unwanted Friends

The direct approach is tough. You basically state that you just don’t want to be friends anymore. It’s just as awkward as breaking up any other relationship. :)

Depending on how you do it, this approach may be too harsh. And if your friend is mentally unstable it may result in dire consequences.

If you’re going to take the direct approach don’t attack or accuse. Bring the fault upon your shoulders.

The Indirect Approach To Getting Rid of Unwanted Friends

This approach isn’t much easier, especially if it’s a friend you talk to/hang out with very regularly. That said, this is the way more friendships end: naturally. They fade away instead of burning out. Only, in this case, you’re actively fading away.

How?

When your toxic friend wants to hang out, have other plans. Ignoring someone is weak so don’t outright ignore them if they contact you. Just don’t go out of your way to hang out with them, knowing they’ll make you feel like shit in the end.

If you do hang out with said friend (considering you’re fading away instead of burning out, this may happen), don’t take the bait. Meaning, when they complain or gossip or do anything to bring themselves and you down, don’t react. Change the subject or state something positive in response. And if it gets really bad, just leave.

What To Do Once You’ve Rid Yourself Of The Toxicity

Now that you got rid of a friend, you might need a new friend. Especially if the toxic friend was someone you were close with and saw on a regular basis.

I’m not an expert at making friends. I would even go so far as to say I’m not really very good at it. But here is what I’ve learned in the past 8 months of traveling and forcing myself to make new friends:

a) Ditch your iPod when you’re out and about. If you’re closed off to the world, the world will close itself off from you. Nobody is going to randomly talk to you if you have headphones on.

b) Say “Hi” and smile a lot, with no expectations. Simple, but not easy. You can make this into a game: see how many people you can say “Hi” to in one hour, one evening, or one day. ~10% of the time it will actually turn into a conversation. And that’s how any relationship begins.

c) Hang out in places where the people you’d like to hang out with already hang out. How many more times could I have used “hang out” in that sentence? At least one more time, but I spared you! You’re welcome. ;) This one is obvious, you wouldn’t try to sell food to someone who just ate, right? I mean, you could try, but you probably wouldn’t be successful. So don’t hang out in places where people you don’t want to attract hang out. Do things you enjoy doing and you will naturally meet other fun people who enjoy the same stuff as you.

d) Start a blog. I’ll write about this more some day, but connecting with people online is a great way to then connect with people offline. If you’ve written a blog for any length of time, I’m willing to bet you’ve met with at least one of your readers or another blogger in the same niche as you.

For additional reading, check out Gala Darling on Negative People. More serendipity? Gala’s issue #8 of Love & Sequins is all about Friendship: http://galadarling.com/article/love-sequins-8

Oh look, it’s your turn!

I’m going to take a page from Havi Brooks, and ask for specifically what I want and don’t want in the comments.

Don’t wants:

– Negativity. That’s obvious, right? :) Truthfully, I don’t even have to state this because you’re awesome and I’ve never had a problem with negative comments. Yay! Thank you for being sweet!

Wants:

– Positive ways to end a negative friendship. Since it’s a touchy subject, and I’m by no means an authority, let’s brainstorm how to make this necessary part of life happen more peacefully.

– Awesome ways to meet fun new people. Again, I’m not an expert, so I’m down for trying any new social experiment. What has worked for you?

The Absolute Idiot’s Guide To Inspiration

How to get inspired more often and how to harness that inspiration …

It was 4:37am and I had just woken up with a flash of an idea. “Fuuuuucccckkkkkkkkk yesssssss!!!!”

Inspiration comes at the most inopportune times. That’s just a fact of life. When I was younger I’d get pissed and go back to sleep or keep doing what I was doing.

Who cares if my peaceful slumber was interrupted by a possibly great idea? It’s just an idea, right? Ideas are a dime a dozen. Great ideas are no less common. Ideas don’t count. Action counts. Fuck the idea. Go back to sleep.

Ahh, the perils of my young mind. :)

“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.” – Siddhartha Gautama

I remember reading an interview with Eddie Van Halen about 15 years ago and the interviewer asked him about where he gets ideas for songs, what inspires him. He said, highly paraphrased, “Ideas come at all times. I don’t care of I’m shitting, having sex, or taking a shower, if I get inspired I get to work immediately.”

My favorite guitarist, the late Dimebag Darrell, took great steps to harnessing inspiration as well. He kept a guitar in every room in his house, including the bathroom, and had a small recording studio on his tour bus.

Professionals understand that ideas must be allowed to breathe.

Inspiration at inopportune times was no longer a burden for me. These guys broke my pad.

Now when I get a flash of inspiration at 4:37am with my eyes fluttering in that REM way they like to flutter, I wake the neighbors up with a howl of delight.

Harnessing inspiration is important. The more often you kick inspiration to the curb the less often you’ll feel inspired. Stifling inspiration is how an amateur reacts to ideas.

These days I have so many ideas, so much inspiration, so many articles, so much pouring out of me, I almost don’t know what to do with all of it.

It’s for the simple fact that if I just put toothpaste on my toothbrush and am about to insert said toothbrush into my morning-breath mouth and have an idea I will drop the toothbrush and run to the nearest idea-capturing-mechanism and get that idea OUT OF MY HEAD. Run on sentence, yes I did! (That example is exactly how this very article was written.)

With that spectacular foray into elementary level English out of the way let’s break it down.

7 Tips For Harnessing Inspiration

Follow these rules or languish in the deepest, darkest, pits of creative blockage …

Tip #1: When you feel inspired drop whatever you’re doing and get that shit out of you. If you follow this simple tip you will overflow with inspiration every waking and sleeping second in no time.

Tip #2: Keep an idea capturing mechanism on your person at all times. Whether that’s an iPhone, handheld recorder, cell phone, or good ole fashioned note pad, be ready with it. If you’ve never used the audio or note capturing feature of your device do it now so when inspiration strikes you’ll be ready.

Tip #3: When you get a flash of inspiration don’t deny it. Don’t convince yourself it’s a bad idea.

“Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that’s funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.” – Mitch Hedberg

As much as I love him, don’t be Mitch Hedberg!

Tip #4: When you feel inspired, also get fired up! Blast loud music, scream out in delight, punch yourself in the face. Get excited! This is a great moment in your life. Embrace it. Cherish it. Revel in it.

Tip #5: Make inspiration a habit. The more you let your inspiration flow freely, the more inspiration will come knocking you out of your baby sleep like a monster in the closet.

Tip #6: Inspiration begets inspiration. Many times when I get an idea and immediately get to work on capturing it, the floodgates open and other ideas come flowing. I love when this happens. There have been times when I’ve written 3 articles that I didn’t even know I had in me in a very short time-frame for the simple fact that I didn’t stifle the initial inspiration.

Tip #7: Hang out with inspiring people and you’ll feed off of them. I’ve been doing lots of interviews and sending out lots of e-mails lately for the relaunch of How To Live Anywhere. Every time I’m done talking with somebody, without fail, I feel an incredible burst of inspiration. Seek out extraordinary people.

Bonus tip: If there is someone in your life who brings you down or stifles your creativity, break ties with them immediately. It doesn’t matter who they are. They’re toxic and they don’t deserve you.

Hit me up with your stories, tips, ideas about inspiration below …

If you like this article would you mind Liking it on Facebook? Just click the button …

Stop Fighting

Stop fighting yourself. Be you …

Stop fighting who you are.

The sooner you stop fighting the sooner you start living.

Obviously there are things we can all change about ourselves.

I submit that we need to undertake these changes from a position of contentment as opposed to a position of self-hate, guilt, or unhappiness.

Being who you are is OK.

Until you accept that life will never get any better.

Stop fighting.

Then you’ll be free.

The Absolutely, Positively, 100% Guaranteed Way To Hit Home Runs In Everything You Do

Hitting home runs is fun. Here is how to do it the right way …

“Stuff that I do, if I have one or two or five or eleven peaks, as long as I’m productive and make enough stuff, maybe I have more chances at making some really good peaks, whether they’re sketches or jokes or drawings.” – Demetri Martin

I gave you the answer to the title of this article without even writing anything unique. Damn. I guess you can stop reading now. ;)

Demetri’s quote really resonated with me because of how closely it’s associated with blogging and virtually any other form of work or art.

Let’s say you’re writing a blog: most of your articles will receive an average (relative to you) level of visitors and comments. This is your core audience and they’re very important. Then some of your articles will resonate with another, larger, audience and you’ll get an extraordinary amount of traffic. These are the home runs, Demetri’s peaks.

You could take the stance that it’s better to focus only trying to hit home runs, but a lot of it has nothing to do with you. I’m consistently surprised which articles get lots of visitors/comments and which ones don’t.

As artists we have to focus on producing what we believe to be quality content for our core audience.

We’ve prepared. We’ve gone to batting practice. We’ve hit the weight room. We’ve shot the steroids. (Oh wait, not the part.) There is not much left to do.

Whether any piece of content ends up being a home run or not is mostly out of our control after that point.  That said, hitting home runs is fun! Let’s start from the beginning …

How To Never Hit Home Runs

Before we can figure out how to hit home runs let’s talk about how not to hit home runs.

Don’t swing. Ever. Keep telling yourself: “I’ll do it some day. Maybe tomorrow. Next week sounds good. Oh, but next year. Next year will be amazing.” And so it goes. (Life Lesson #11: Some day never comes.)

My friend John used to say, paraphrased, “Just do something. Create something. Anything. Throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. Then figure out what works and do more of that.” There is a lot you can do as far as research and planning that will make the “sticking” more likely, but if you’re at a point where you haven’t swung the bat, the time is now.

When you’ve taken a swing, know this …

Base Hits Are Better Than Home Runs

Ask any baseball coach if he’d rather have 10 base hits or 1 home run, and unless he is an utter fool, he will go for the base hits. A hit is an opportunity. A home run is a rarity.

Take lots of swings, because most of the pieces of content you create will be base hits. Every base hit is a step closer to a home run. (You’ll probably also have a few strikeouts, which are creations that simply don’t resonate at all with your audience. Don’t worry about it. Keep swinging.)

Consistently getting base hits is important because they put you in a position to win. And they help you deal with the strikeouts. Home runs, or massively popular pieces of content, can be complete game changers, but they won’t happen often.

I submit that if we’re going to think about hitting home runs then we should focus on hitting game changing home runs. Otherwise known as Grand Slams.

A Home Run Is Only A Game Changer If …

What happens if you hit a home run with no men on base? Game changer? Not at all.

So here’s the rub: A home run isn’t a game changer unless you’re consistently getting those base hits.

Let’s say you run a small blog and are consistently writing good content. One day you write a really awesome article that explodes your site traffic. If not for all of your consistently good content the visitors from the really popular article probably wouldn’t stick around.

My goal is to consistently hit base hits. I’ve had a few strikeouts and I’ve had some home runs (again, this is relative). But the base hits are what will win this ball game for me.

And I like winning.

How about you? Do you consistently produce so you have more chances at reaching the peaks? Do you hit lots of base hits and some home runs? Let me know what you’re up to below …

On Dependency (or How To Stop Being A Wuss and Embrace Change)

How to stop being dependent and start living an awesome life…

The problem with relying on someone or something is they (or it) won’t always be there. Then what?

If we’re not prepared to live without something, suddenly being forced to live without it will be an enormously difficult, and stressful, transition.

I’m not immune to being dependent.

Just one example: I used to use a blender every morning to make my breakfast smoothie. Fresh (or frozen) fruit with soy/almond/rice/hemp milk or coconut water. It’s healthy and because my body doesn’t have to work hard to digest it, incredibly energizing. I can drink the smoothie and I’m immediately ready to start the day with a quickness.

I’ve been “on the road” for over 7 months and I don’t have my blender. Therefore, I don’t have my go-to breakfast and my days don’t start out “right.”

The Root Of Dependency Is A Fear Of Change

Adapting to change is part of human nature. A look at any time in history proves that we’ve been adapting to change since the big bang.

But for some of us, adapting to change doesn’t come naturally anymore. We still adapt because we have no choice, but we don’t do it willingly.

I used to strongly dislike change myself, but now I relish in the opportunity to flex my change muscle.

Going back to my breakfast example: Instead of my regular morning smoothie I now eat a bunch of locally available fresh fruit. (Here in Chiang Mai I eat a lot of pineapple, mango, cantaloupe, and bananas).

Change is good because it pushes us to our limits. How do muscles grow? By stressing them; making them work. The change muscle is no different.

Some Of Us Hate Change

For example, when a significant other goes out by themselves, are you the type who doesn’t know what to do with yourself? Do you feel bored, hurt, abandoned, or worse, jealous? (Life Lesson #59: Jealousy is mankind’s most useless emotion.)

Is this any good for you or the relationship?

It’s OK To Hate Change

If you’re currently dependent on someone or something it’s going to be uncomfortable at first when making the move towards independence.

By independence I don’t necessarily mean getting rid of whatever you’re dependent upon. I’m not suggesting everybody in a relationship break up.

When I encounter a couple that has their own separate lives in addition to their lives together I feel an immense sense of happiness for them. That is my vision of an ideal relationship, although it’s very rare.

I refuse to settle for anything less and when I see a happy couple that also have separate lives it reinforces to me that it’s possible.

Girls should have “girls weekends” and guys should be able to “hang out with the boys” or whatever the case may be.

How To Embrace Change

Step 1: Take A Small, Easily Doable, Break

Break free from whatever you’re dependent upon for just 24 hours. Knowing you’ll go back to whatever it is you’re dependent upon in 24 hours will make it easier to get through it.

Some things you may want to break free from:

– TV

– Internet

– Texting

– A relationship (I don’t mean this negatively. I mean it in regards to my view of a healthy relationship, both platonic and romantic.)

– Your iPod

– Fill in the blanks: _______

Step 2: Reflect On The Change

After 24 hours are up reflect on how you felt by breaking your dependency.

Was it easier or more difficult than you expected?

How do you feel about the change?

Did you immediately go back to your dependency? In other words, were you counting down the minutes until you could watch TV, go online, text your friends, etc?

How To Truly Break Your Dependencies

A 24 hour break is all well and good, but it’s just an exercise to help you realize that you really can adapt to change and break a dependency. It’s not a permanent solution.

The ultimate test in breaking your dependencies is by practicing minimalism. Getting rid of extraneous “stuff” (<– PDF written by, uhh, me, haha) will make you realize just how little you need to live a Ridiculously Extraordinary Life.

Every day people ask me how I can possibly live with so few things. On the flipside, when I see other backpackers almost falling over due to the heavy loads on their backs I wonder how they can possibly “live” with so much.

The stress and strain on their faces is blatantly visible.

Or when I hear someone complain about how much debt they’re in while buying a new camera lens, new video game, new clothes, new car, or new anything, I can’t help but think how positively they could change their lives with a little bit of minimalism.

When you practice minmalism you have fewer choices to make, fewer things to keep track of, fewer things to stress about, and you begin to progress towards Ridiculously Extraordinary Freedom.

Need Minimalist Help?

There are a lot of good eBooks/Web sites out there. I’ve mentioned many of them in the past.

Leo Babauta’s work is a fantastic place to get what you need.

– The Power of Less: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential…in Business and in Life (<– Leo’s print  book)
– Mnmlist.com

Other minimalists you may enjoy:

– Everett Bogue

– David Damron

– Tammy Strobel

– Joshua Becker

There are many more, but there’s only so much you can read in a day. :)

How do you feel? Hit me up in the comments …

How To Minimize Stress and Maximize Awesomeness!

If you’re stressed, here’s how to relieve that stress and live awesome …

During the courses of our lives we go through a lot of transition periods. Transitions can be both stressful and awesome.

Marriages, graduations, new careers, new relationships, new destinations …

That last one is an interesting one for me and it prompted this article.

My second night in Bangkok I hung out with Sean Ogle of Location180.com (check it out, he rocks) and we were talking about how much we love our lives. Is that nerdy? ;)

But we were also talking about stresses involved with our work. That stress being, we love what we do, but when we’re in a travel period (transition period) and visiting a new city, it’s tough to get work done. And not working is stressful because it’s something we enjoy. It’s a funny cycle. :)

Tangent (you know how I love them): Sean is also a guitar player. Like me, he gets stressed if he can’t play a guitar for an extended period of time. One of the many reasons I built a guitar in India is because when I was traveling through Australia/New Zealand for 4 months it was stressful not having a guitar.

But I digress …

While in Bangkok (I’m in Chiang Mai now, love it!) I knew it was just for a short while so I put off work even though I had stuff to get done. On both Thursday and Friday I went to one of the Regus offices in the city (free access with my Amex Platinum Card) and did 1-2 hours of work. But the city was calling me so I answered.

What Are Stressful Transitions?

Stressful transitions are different for me and you. Mine are things like being on the road for an extended period of time vs staying put in a new place for an extended period of time.

Traveling around New Zealand in a bus for 30 days? Awesome! But stressful as all get out. (I think I’ve used that phrase twice within the past 2 weeks. When will it get out of my system? Nobody knows.)

Goa, India for 2 months? Besides the first few weeks of figuring out Internet access, not stressful.

The last 24 hours were a little bit stressful:

– 14 hour overnight train (thanks to the nice British family who let me take one of their bottom, roomier, berths in exchange for my crappier upper berth!) with a bunch of loud drunk punks.

– The one vegetarian dinner option on the train wasn’t available (they did have 10 meat options, so you know, really catering to all the Buddhists) so when I got to Chiang Mai I was starving.

– The first few apartments I looked at were out of the way and expensive. Walking from apartment to apartment in the 100F/38C heat was exhausting.

But then, awesomeness:

– I quickly found a great veg restaurant.

– I found a sweet apartment for $300/month (including Internet and weekly cleaning) with 3 veg restaurants within a 60 second walk!

– All the stress immediately melted away even though I felt like I just took a shower and thought I might faint. :)

Our goal in life should be to minimize stressful transitions to maximize awesomeness.

The reason I do what I do the way that I do it is to minimize stressful transitions, which makes the fun stuff even more fun for me.

Sure, I don’t see as much as other people who travel. But I’m not here (there, or anywhere) to see everything. I’m simply living my life in a way that makes me happiest.

The Game Changer: Minimalism

My secret to minimizing the stress of even stressful transitions is through minimalism.

Minimalism and Transitions

Less stuff = less stress! ;)

My stressful transitions are less stressful because I have less to worry about.

If you’re stressed, I guarantee adopting even a little bit of minimalism into your life will do wonders to relieve your stress.

I could write for days about minimalism, but here are some rock stars who have written a lot about it:

Everett Bogue – The Freedom of Living With 75 Things

Tammy Strobel – How To Unplug From Stuff

Leo Babauta – Oh, just read everything at Mnmlist.com and ZenHabits.net :)

David Damron – 15 Ways To Become A Minimalist In 2010

Colin Wright – All 51 Things I Own

Now that I’m so quickly settled here in Chiang Mai I’m going to:

– Work.

– Eat awesome food.

– Do some fun shit.

How about you? What do you do to minimize stressful transitions and maximize awesomeness?