right people – Karol Gajda

The Sad Reality of the Human Condition (and a Plea To Unsubscribe)

Results of the “yes” experiment and why I might want you to unsubscribe …

While most bloggers want more people reading their sites by any means necessary, I want more of my right people and less of my wrong people reading my site. By any means necessary. Even if that means asking you to unsubscribe and stop reading. The goal is to lose 1,000 readers this week. Is it you? I don’t know yet.

Last Thursday I attempted an experiment that I thought was going to be a blast. I was going to say “yes” to every request that came through online and offline for 7 days.

My first mistake is that I had expectations. I expected people to be civil. You know, use my name, say please or thank you, show respect.

What I got was over 200 requests within 36 hours (probably over 300 total since I still get 20/day – even though the experiment ended Friday night), a majority of which were, very sadly, in the “I say jump and you ask how high” realm. You can see some of that in the public requests, but it’s the private requests that did me in.

I used to be very cynical. I don’t know what happened over the past couple of years, but I lost most of that cynicism. Which is good, of course. So when I had the idea for “yes week” I didn’t expect that the majority of requests would be rude, insulting, and try to take advantage of me.

Most People Need Authority

You know I’m generally anti-authority. But this experiment made me realize that most people need authority. Most people need to be told what to do. Most people need American Idol, and WalMart, and XBox, and Burger King, and “duuuuude, it’s the weekend, let’s smoke weed and get wasted, yeah!”

What most people don’t need is free reign. What most people can’t do is control themselves when given great opportunities.

This is good.

I’m not looking for most people to read this site. This site is for a very small minority. I didn’t realize just how small until this week. But it’s small. And I’m happy to give my all to that small minority.

I’m also happy to say “fuck off” to everybody else. Everybody else: I don’t need you. You don’t need me. Let’s part ways now, yeah? Unsubscribe is at the end of every e-mail and in your feedreader. Click, click, click … thank you. ;)

How Would I Conduct A Request If I Knew Someone I Respected Would Say Yes?

It’s easy. “Hi Mark, thanks for doing this. Could I please meet with you (via phone or in person) for 5 minutes? I have 1 specific question I’d like to ask regarding [fill in the blank].” Mark being Mark Cuban, of course. :) And hopefully he’d say in person is cool so I could fly to Dallas and meet with him. hehe

My right people know I believe in the 5 Sentences Rule so the request would be short and to the point. Respectful.

The goal would obviously be to make an impression in that 5 minutes. But the goal definitely would not be to disrespect him and his time. “Uhh, could I have some money? I know you’re going to say yes. Since you’re a billionaire, how about a milli mil?” No name, no please. He’s not Mark Cuban anymore. Just some rich dude with “too much money and probably too much free time.”

I had people literally ask me for 3 hours of my time. 3 hours! For what? You don’t need 3 hours of my time. What you need is to take those 3 hours, get off your ass, and go do something monumental. Or watch TV. Whatever. At the very least, stop reading this site. I sure can’t help you. Nobody can.

Ridiculously Extraordinary Freedom Isn’t For Everybody

I used to think it was. I was looking at things through the proverbial “rose colored glasses.”

The truth is, freedom is for the select few. It’s literally not possible for the majority to have freedom. Not only do they not truly want it, if they actually had it then they’d abuse the privilege.

One day when I was 13 my Dad asked me to mow the lawn, as he did every week. I went out back, mowed an Anarchy symbol into the grass, and called it a day. Stupid. Disrespectful. And typical 13 year old.

We’re not fucking 13 anymore

And anarchy is lame. (Unless, of course, you’re Fabian, The Friendly Anarchist.)

With The Bad, Comes The Good

I’ve focused on the bad, but there were a lot of great requests. If you left an awesome request, thank you. Most likely it has already been fulfilled. If it hasn’t been fulfilled yet, I just haven’t had time … yet. (I’ll get to it!) Although it wasn’t a majority, there were a ton of great requests and I’ve almost fulfilled that backlog. I didn’t expect such an overwhelming response. The negative requests delayed my fulfilling of the good requests. After I quit the experiment Friday night, I essentially took a day off and didn’t deal with many requests at all.

So if you had a good request, you should tell all the disrespectful requesters to fuck off as well. They messed with you as much as they did with me. Because as you know, Freedom Fighting isn’t even about me. It’s about us. We can’t tolerate disrespect here.

It all boils down to this: if you’re awesome, I want you here. If you’re not, I don’t.

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I’m on the way to BlogWorld right now. I don’t know how much I’ll be online while in Vegas as I’ll be mostly hanging out with kick ass people … and then checking out Death Valley, Hoover Dam, Valley of Fire, etc for a few days afterwards. What I mean is, comment moderation and e-mail responses might be slow but I’m happy to hear from you! :)

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P.S. If you’re still here: I love you.

Guitars, Cows, and Pollution OH MY! (Live From India)

Lots of updates from India, including video of the guitar I built, and info about upcoming travels …

The big and really, only, update regarding India. 1,830 words, 4 videos and some pictures. :)

I was going to stay in India until late April. But … well … it’s just not “me.”

So I’m leaving to go to Thailand on 31 March. I’ll stay in Bangkok for about a week then head up to Chiang Mai for ~30 days before coming back to Bangkok to fly to Poland.

08-09 May looks like this:

– Train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok on 08 May
– FinnAir ($1800 Business Class ticket for $200 in taxes + 70,000 frequent flier miles!) leaves Bangkok at 12:15am on 09 May and heads to Helsinki (10 hour flight)
– Helsinki to Warszawa (FinnAir, same ticket), arriving at 10:25am (just a 1 hour flight!)
– Train from Warszawa to my hometown of Wroclaw that afternoon (6 hour train ride)

The at-the-border Thai visa is supposed to be only 30 days, but I couldn’t book any award travel until 09 May so hopefully they give me an extension without any hassle.

Other points of interest

No Traveler’s Tummy

I eat from dirty street stands (hell, dirty restaurants in general) every day and have not had “Traveler’s Diarrhea” at all like what supposedly happens to “everybody” who comes here. I attribute this to my strengthened vegan immune system. When I used to eat meat I would get sick if somebody sneezed 10,000 miles away from me.

It’s Dirty

It really is as dirty as everybody says it is.

Let’s break it down …

a) The air is polluted as all get out. When I first got to Mumbai I went to play basketball with my CouchSurfing host and I might as well have been playing in a smoky indoor bar. My lungs were not happy. Funny thing is, the Indian kids who we played with ALL smoked during breaks. I don’t know how they do it.

This One's Called The Smog — Aguada Bay, Goa, India

b) Trash burning is a regular occurrence. All day. Every day. Couple that with almost 100 degree heat and you have the recipe for pleasant odors.

Cow in Garbage Smoke — Cow Hanging Out In Garbage Smoke

c) There are signs everywhere stating “Don’t spit, it spreads TB.” Almost everybody spits. Gross.

d) The land is your toilet. If you need to use the toilet (yes, #1 or #2) anywhere you like is fair game.

Goan Hospitality

The Goan phrases for “hello” are …

– If you’re a taxi/rickshaw driver: “TAXI?! YES?! TAXI?!”

The taxi/rickshaw drivers here would rather stand around yelling TAXI! than drive anybody. They don’t use meters and will not drive you anywhere (even just down the road) for less than 50 Rupees, but more likely no less than 100. In comparison, in Mumbai I took a 1 hour taxi ride (~15km) for about 200 Rupees. When I was doing the guitar workshop I walked everywhere, but after that I rented a scooter for 150 Rupees/day.

To be clear: You could be 30 feet from a taxi driver and he will yell across the street for you until you acknowledge his poor salesmanship. “TAXI!? HELLO? FRIEND? TAXI? HELLO?! HELLO?!” All day long, no stopping. Every single taxi driver.

Eventually I stopped caring, because I understand they’re just trying to make a buck. (And getting the scooter meant I wasn’t affected by it anymore.) But if one smart taxi driver broke the “rules” and used his meter he’d be driving/making money all day instead of standing around wasting his voice.

AutoRickshaw01 — Autorickshaw driver doing what he does best: nothing.

– If you’re a shopkeeper: “Hey! Look at my store! Just look!”

I’m a nice guy. So when a shopkeeper would extend a hand and say hello I would shake their hand and say hello. I learned to stop doing that quickly because once they have your hand you literally have to pry it away. Not a good way to make a sale.

I made friends with an Indian-American here and I asked him if this stuff happens to him with the taxi drivers and shopkeepers. He didn’t know what I was talking about. So we went walking down the road and every single person we passed wanted our wallets. He got annoyed real quick. :)

Beggars

I heard there would be a lot of problems with beggars but they have all been very kind. I’m not a fan of giving cash, but whenever I have food I offer that. They sometimes ask for money beyond the food, but that’s OK. Gotta hustle to live.

Interesting story: one day while walking from the market to my scooter (not a long walk) I ended up giving away all of my apples. So I went back to buy more. On the way back to my scooter this time nobody asked for my apples. Sign of respect? I don’t know, but it was nice.

The Cow Is Not Sacred?

Cows01 — Yay cows! On the beach! Baga Beach, Goa, India

I was talking to a woman who has been in India for decades and I mentioned that I was quite surprised when I saw a guy elbow drop a cow and other people treat them like garbage. I thought the cow was sacred in India. Her response: “What you hear in the news and from outside the country is not how it truly is.”

Essentially, I’m told from various people, cows are pests. It’s true they are everywhere, and they play in traffic, and they leave cowpies where you’d rather them not leave cowpies. But if they’re sacred they’re sacred. You treat them like gods, not like dirt. So, while most people here do not eat cows, they don’t seem to be well respected animals.

I understand Goa is different (maybe due to the large (30%) Christian population?) and I also understand my definition of “sacred” means more than just “don’t eat cows.” So my final observation on this situation is: I’m still not sure what to think.

I’m also told in rural areas it’s different and cows are, indeed, treated with the utmost respect. And that makes a little more sense. I’m an ignorant American making the only observation I can with what I was presented. Take it as you will.

Wow, that was negative, so what was good?

– I love Indian food. For less than 200 Rupees I could almost eat enough to make me puke. For illustration, here is part of a reference one of my CouchSurfing hosts left me: “We had a good time with Karol…[EDIT]…seeing him put away copious amounts of food (in a good way).”

I always laugh when people say I eat a lot because usually it comes from somebody who says they eat a lot and are astounded by my stomach capacity. I’m 6′ 5″ and I have a metabolism, much like the rest of my body, from the future. That explains that.

Massive 50 Rupee Paper Dosa (also pictured: a fresh squeezed pineapple juice)

– 20 Rupee coconuts! OK, maybe this falls into food, but it needs a separate mention. I’d never had fresh coconut before coming to India. I love coconut water and coconut meat! It’s full of fat, but that’s where my futuristic body comes into play.

– Celebrity treatment. This annoys a lot of people. I loved it, if only for the sheer wackiness of the situation. If I spent every day on the beach I’m sure it would get annoying, but I’m not a huge fan of beaches. Anyway … every time I’d go to the beach or other touristy areas I’d get swarmed by Indian men (~20-35 in age) taking pictures of and with me. They’d put their arms around me like we were best friends and give me high fives and whatnot. It always tripped me out, but it was awesome. But again, if it happened every day I can see how it could get annoying. It’s fun to be “famous” every once in a while. :)

– Nice people. In that same regard, everybody I met who wasn’t a taxi driver or shopkeeper or trying to make money from me some other way was very nice. I would go exploring on my scooter pretty much every day and in the little villages/neighborhoods around Goa lots of people would wave, kids would run out and talk to me, and people were just cool. They’d usually think I was lost, but you can’t be lost if you don’t know where you’re going. I mean that literally and philosophically. ;)

– It’s cheap. Although Goa is more expensive than most areas of India, it’s still cheap. For example, most nice (i.e. not the cheapest, not the most expensive) guest houses cost 500-800 Rupees (less than $20) for a room with attached bathroom.

I rented a nice apartment in Calangute for 18,000 Rupees/month (~$400). A year ago the cost would’ve been about 20% less. Inflation is nuts here. But again, still cheap. And that price included a living room, bedroom with queen bed, cable TV (haha, pretty useless for me, but it was there), a nice outside porch, and every other day house cleaning (including new sheets/towels).

And if I was the old me I estimate I could get completely shit-faced for about $10/day. Speaking of alcohol, there’s a local Goan alcohol called Fenny (~$1 for 60mL) made from cashews (Goa is known for its cashews, mmmmm) that I wanted to try. So I did. Not drinking for 4 months was easy. And I haven’t drank for a month or so since I tried the Fenny.

Conclusion

Even though India is not “me” doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good time. It’s just not “me” that’s all. It’s kind of the whole Right People thing.

Check out more photos from India on my Flickr account here.

For more reading: check out what Chris at Nomad4Ever.com has to say about Goa here. I agree with most of it.

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Unrelated, but Kirsty over at NerdyNomad.com just released an awesome eBook called The Underground Guide To International Volunteering. I named it. ;) And yes, I bought a copy as well ($14). If you’re interested in International volunteering this has a lot of great info from someone who’s been doing it for years: http://www.nerdynomad.com/volunteering (not an affiliate link) – $7 from every sale goes to Hands On Disaster Response. Kirsty is currently in Haiti volunteering with HODR, helping clean up after the massive earthquakes.

Also, I’m going to interview Kirsty about how she makes money passively, which allows her to travel the world perpetually, for Version 1.0 of How To Live Anywhere. :)

101 Lessons Learned After 29 Years Of Living Life

101 truths I’ve learned in the past 29 years…

When I was young I wanted to live to 100. To my mind it might as well have been infinity. (I thought China was a different planet when I was 4 so maybe 100 was infinity.)

Then I got older and I didn’t want to live to anything.

Now I want to live to 100 again. As you know, I like the number 100. Actually, I’d like to live to infinity. (Wait, is China a different planet? What’s happening here? … help?)

Anyway, 29 is still very young, and I don’t claim to know it all. What I do know is what I know, you know? ;)

Much like Finding Your Right People I’ve had this post ready for a long time. I was a little bit afraid to post it, but it may be The Ultimate Filter (like The Ultimate Warrior with less color and no steroids). Maybe tomorrow I start with a blank slate.

Probably not.

I expected a lot of RSS unsubscribes after posting Finding Your Right People. Instead, my subscriber count increased by 83. For a regular traffic day that is incredible (for this site). Thank you for hangin’ out in my backyard.

This list was originally 99. Then I edited some out. Then I added some. Then I edited some out. Truth be told I think I could easily hit 1,000. But right now it’s 101. A nice, easy number we’ll also call Infinity + 1.

Infinity + 1 Lessons Karol Has Learned In 29 Years:

Friends really do come and go. Some come back. Some don’t. That’s OK.
Nobody cares about you as much as they care about themselves.
Animals kill to survive. Humans kill for “fun” (also know as a psychopath) or because they’re ignorant of torture (I know I used to be).
It’s OK to be different.
Most people won’t agree with you.
The people who really care will still care whether they agree with you or not.
You don’t need anybody’s support to make things happen.
Arguments are pointless. You can’t change anyone, don’t try.
People will rationalize and justify anything and everything to be “right.” Let them.
It’s easier to take a small action now instead of a big action “some day.”
Some day never comes.
If the music you listen to is on the radio or TV it’s pop music. Pop = popular. It doesn’t matter if there’s screaming or singing, loud guitars or soft piano, it’s pop music. I love pop music. I love unpopular music as well. ;)
You’re not as different as you think.
You can have anything you want.
You never have to settle. Not in a relationship, not in a job, not ever.
Somebody will always tell you your ideas suck. Take action anyway.
You might think you’re not good enough, but you’ll surprise yourself when you try.
Smoking is gross. Kissing a smoker is grosser.
You don’t have to be promiscuous because you’re a male and you don’t have to be celibate because you’re a female. Do what you want.
Don’t let the school system brainwash you into being average. They will try. Every step of the way.
Society wants you to be average as well, but you can be exceptional if you’d like. It’s your choice.
You will make mistakes. So what?
It’s OK to feel sad.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Successful people read books.
Passion can go a long way.
Don’t kill yourself. It’s never worth it.
Get tested.
If you think you can do something you’re right. If you think you can’t do something you’re also right.
The refrigerator light doesn’t always stay on.
Whether you hear it or not, a falling tree always makes a sound.
Money is not the root of all evil.
Love of money is not the root of all evil either.
You don’t need as much money as you think.
Nobody cares what kind of car you drive. If they do, they’re not worth your time. (Also, replace car with: the kinds of clothes you wear.)
Don’t be a pushover.
Memories are priceless. Write them down daily. Even if they seem trivial.
Nothing is trivial.
Ask for what you want. If you don’t ask, you won’t receive.
Don’t make the same mistake twice. If you do, don’t make it a third time.
There will always be somebody more “successful” than you.
Define your own rules for success. It’s a lot easier to rule your world than someone else’s world.
Humans are the only mammals that drink milk after they’ve grown. They’re also the only mammals that drink another mammal’s milk.
If you don’t feel good you probably don’t need a doctor. It’s your diet.
Even if an apple a day doesn’t keep the doctor away it sure tastes good.
Doctors aren’t all bad, but many will write you any prescription you ask for if you know how to ask.
The fact that gay marriage is not recognized is an abomination. If you support Freedom, you support gay marriage.
Religion causes a lot of problems.
Telling someone they’re wrong never leads to anything positive. Even if they’re wrong.
You’ll never be good enough if you don’t define great.
Being dependent on TV shows or sports teams is for children and teenagers.
You don’t need more than 3 pairs of shoes. 1 athletic, 1 dress, and 1 casual. Even that might be overkill.
If you wear the same pants every day nobody will notice.
Write down your dreams/nightmares for 30 days every morning immediately upon waking up. Some trippy stuff will start happening.
It is scientifically proven that if you eat meat you’re not an environmentalist. Don’t pretend to care about the environment. Care or don’t care.
Whether global warming is real or made up, is it really so difficult to throw a cigarette butt in a trash can instead of the street? (Replace the following with cigarette butt: gum, paper, bottles, anything.)
If you say you love animals and you kill them for dinner (physically or by shopping at the deli counter) there is a blatant disconnect.
Just because somebody tells you something is true, doesn’t mean it is. Do your own research.
Jealousy is mankind’s most useless emotion. Instead of feeling jealous, feel happy.
Happiness is mankind’s most useful emotion.
If you help people get what they want, you will “miraculously” get what you want.
It’s OK to be a follower. It’s better to be a thought leader.
It’s OK if you don’t like something. Just don’t pretend that you do.
There are exceptions to every rule. That doesn’t make the rule invalid.
You can’t break rules if you don’t learn them first.
If somebody tells you they want the best for you what they mean is they want you to do what they say and follow the rules.
You should play on a swing set at least once every year. It is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
Don’t blame anybody for your problems. They’re yours. The sooner you establish this the sooner you can work on them.
If you can’t sing, sing anyway. Especially at karaoke.
Just because a billion people do something doesn’t mean it’s right.
If you eat moldy bread you might feel like shit. Pun not intended. :)
Don’t wish, do. “I wish I could…” is a waste of thought energy.
Some people say you should do something every day that scares you. That’s a lofty goal, but even if you do something every week that scares you you’ll come out ahead.
Do what scares you.
If you think something is a bad idea, it might mean you should do it. Or it might mean it’s actually a bad idea.
Stop watching so much TV.
It really is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Try it next time.
It’s OK if you don’t want to travel the world. There are lots of things to explore in your own backyard.
Don’t listen to anybody who tells you “you’re missing out” by not going somewhere or doing something. You’re only missing out if you believe you’re missing out.
Don’t think of cost. Think of value.
If something is expensive that doesn’t mean it’s worth it. If something is cheap that doesn’t mean it’s not. Usually, neither of those options are ideal.
Maybe you can’t have it all. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
You can change the world because you define your world.
Jakfruit is hard to find, but so very worth it.
Give away something you love. You’ll learn a) detachment and b) it feels great.
Do activities by yourself. Solo Social Activities (movies, dinner, concerts, travel) can be a lot of fun.
Stop depending on other people.
It’s OK to complain sometimes. Don’t make it a habit.
Do what you love even if you don’t get paid for it.
Stop texting or checking your phone when you’re with other people. It’s rude and it’s sad.
Drink more water.
Show gratitude.
Make more mistakes.
There is no such thing as luck. No good luck. No bad luck. You either make good things happen or you make bad things happen. Nothing more, nothing less.
The secret to winning is playing. Often. (This advice does not hold for games of chance.)
Everybody lies. Trust people anyway.
If you dwell on past mistakes you will get depressed. Dwell or don’t dwell, but know the outcome.
There is always more you can do. But that doesn’t mean there is always more you should do.
Don’t compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to yourself.
Low calorie does not mean healthy. Stop fooling yourself.
Seek danger.

Finding Your Right People

Because life’s more fun with your Right People…

Making decisions isn’t always easy, but procrastinating on making a decision is worse than making a wrong decision.

I’ll tell you where this is coming from.

After closing down registration for the Ridiculously Extraordinary Member’s Area last Friday I got a handful of e-mails asking where to sign up. Because I’m a man of my word, once registration was closed, it was closed. Maybe I closed it a few minutes early, maybe I closed it a few minutes late, but around 10:30am EST it was closed.

As I’ve said before, this isn’t about money.

The Right People Thing

It’s about, as Havi from FluentSelf.com would say, finding my Right People.

As she states in that article, just because you’re not my Right People, it doesn’t mean you’re my wrong people.

And here’s the thing: I don’t necessarily decide if you’re my Right People. You decide that on your own.

My Right People don’t have to be pushed or prodded.

You comment on this blog, you share posts with friends on twitter and facebook and elsewhere, you send me a short succinct e-mail with a question or comment (or sometimes a long e-mail thanking me for something) and you take action when there is action to be taken.

You respect my time, my views, and my information. And in return, I respect yours.

And most importantly, you respect the fact that when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. So while it would be cool to let 4 additional people into the Member’s Area, it’s just not “Right.”

It’s A Touchy Subject

It almost feels like it’s an exclusivity thing, doesn’t it? Like if you don’t fit perfectly into the puzzle we shouldn’t be friends.

It goes beyond that.

“The people who need my message in my form will get it.” – Havi Brooks

Maybe my message isn’t right for you and that’s cool. It’s OK if we don’t vibe or if you don’t want to be here. That’s the beauty of all of this.

You can choose to be a Ridiculously Extraordinary Freedom Fighter or you can choose not to be. Everything I do is a filter. Everything I write is a filter. It helps make your decision easier. You’re welcome. :)

Freedom Fighters come in all forms, but there are common traits. It’s more of a feeling, actually. It’s not something I can synthesize into words on a blog post. It’s not something you can put a finger on either.

It just is.

You Should Create Filters Too

There is no sense in spending your life attracting people who aren’t your Right People. But the only way to find your Right People is to create filters. Your favorite hobby is a filter. Your lifestyle is a filter. Your point of view is a filter. Your job, where you live, what you eat, what you don’t eat, the type of music you listen to, how you treat others … these are all filters.

How A Filter Filters

Your Right People don’t have to have the same interests as you. They don’t have to have the same hobbies. You can actually have almost nothing in common. What it boils down to is respect. Your Right People will acknowledge everything about you, whether they agree or disagree, and still support you.

More …

I’ve been meaning to write this article ever since I read about Havi’s Right People concept. It took me a while to get it out and I’ve already begun adding more filters here. There are even more on the way.

I hope, if my filters filter you away, that you find your Right People. It’s important and I want you to have your Right People.

Because if you’re not living life with your Right People you’re not living life.

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